Combating Threats to the Family

David A. Bednar has said, “Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.”

How can we combat these threats against the family? How can we defend and protect this fundamental principle of society? Well, if the adversary is attacking marriage, then first we should fortify and strengthen our marriages. 

"Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and I don't think God wants to see our marriages fail. I believe that if we work hard and ask for his help, we can fight these modern threats towards the family.

In the words of Blake Shelton:

On my own I'm only

Half of what I could be

I can't do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered

I pray we never undo

'Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you, gave me you

He gave me you

For many people, "the pathways to a healthy, stable marriage are increasingly convoluted and challenging to walk" (Hawkins et al). Just as superheroes must go through training to strengthen their bodies and hone their skills, so must we study and train to have strong relationships. 

How can we receive this "training"? The Family: A Proclamation to the World challenges "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society". So, in a sense, we are being asked to teach others and learn from others what to do to build strong relationships. We can't just say, "here's a problem, now somebody fix it." Rather, we must say, "here's a problem, and here's  a solution." The idea of "leaving youth and young adults on their own totry to figure out how they can achieve their hopes for a healthy, stable marriage seems a heartless and counterproductive strategy" (Hawkins et al).

We can't leave the future generations alone to struggle. Wouldn't it be better for them to learn from our mistakes instead of making their own? We can strengthen future families by teaching others how to communicate with one another. Educating couples on how the other sex thinks and acts can prevent many problems. As we stand up for the family and God's rules concerning marriage, we can fight the adversary. We don't have to let Satan win this round. The end is already known. God has already won, but let's help Him win this battle. We are latter-day heroes and we have what it takes to fight back. We know what God has commanded, now let us as responsible citizens go out and promote those messages (The Family).

Sources:

Barnes, D. (2011). God Gave Me You [Recorded by Blake Shelton]. On Red River Blue [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Warner Brothers Nashville

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Public Policy Agenda to Help Couples Form and Sustain Healthy, Stable Marriages. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

You be my Lois Lane, I'll be Your Superman

Who doesn't want their story to end happily ever after? "Isn’t that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?" (Uchtdorf). As we all know, there is a lot of work to be done between our Once Upon a Time and our Happily Ever After. We all face our own hardships and misfortunes. Occasionally, when a marriage doesn't meet our expectations we may consider divorce. The purpose of this post is not to lecture you on divorce I am not the most reliable source on saving your marriage. Rather, I want to show ways for us to fight for our marriages. However, I do realize that despite our best efforts divorce must occur. I believe in heroes and that in the end good always triumphs over evil. I encourage you to heed the words of an unknown author which are, "when you feel like quitting think about why you started."

James E. Faust said, "I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred ovenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply 'mental distress' nor 'personality differences,' nor 'having grown apart,' nor 'having fallen our of love.' This is especially so where there are children" (Hawkins et al). Just as marriage is a major decision in our lives, so is the decision to get a divorce and end a relationship that we were so desperately committed to. 

Faust also taught that we should provide time to decide about divorce. We should not decide to get a divorce in the spur of the moment. A lot of consideration should go into such an important choice. For example, "many people divorce after a short period of problems and make their dicesion quickly, based almost solely on emotion" (Hawkins et al). Often regret stirs in those who have been divorced.  
I believe that in many cases, divorce can be avoided. For many considering divorce "the cause is not incompatibility but sefishness. The first step is not separation but reformation" (Hawkins et al).

The Family: A Proclamation to the world states, "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." As we work hard to create a loving atmosphere in our homes, happiness and joy will begin to abound. 

I believe that as we work through our trials together as spouses, our children will learn and grow from our examples. Solving problems as a team and not defaulting to divorce demonstrates the worth of marriage. Just as Superman always saves Lois from her doom, we can be the heroes in our marriages. We may not be faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but we are shaping the future as we teach our children right from wrong. Through our examples, we can teach our children that in the end good triumphs over evil. That, despite the trials we may face, we can reach our happily ever after. 

Sources: 

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out? Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Uchtdorf, D. (2010, April 1). Your Happily Ever After. Retrieved October 22, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng

Pathways to Eternal Marriage

It is common knowledge that here at BYU-Idaho an emphasis is put on dating. Church lessons, devotional talks, FHE activities, and even classes on campus come back to the topic of dating. Some say that you go to BYU to get married but you go to BYU-Idaho to get an education and get married. Most of the time it seems we get an education on dating.

The thing is, most of us want to date! We really do! As much as we hate the lectures on selfishness and waiting until we graduate to get married, we want to start our families now. For some reason, dating is not occurring. The form of dating has eroded over time.

What happened to chivalry? My roommate was asked out on a date, but he expected her to pick him up, drive them around, and then drop him off afterwards! Most of us are lucky if someone asks us out through a text message. The romance is lost in the messaging and screen time. 

We love the chivalry found in superheroes. Captain America becomes more endearing when he calls Agent Carter "miss" or "m'am". Even Thor treats Jane Foster with respect and uses terms such as "m'lady".  Showing respect towards one another goes a long ways.

It has been found that, "Young women and men more often 'hang out' rather than go on planned dates. Young adults often report finding that even when they have been hanging out with someone over a period of time, they still do not know if they are a couple" (Hawkins). 

The erosion of dating and the apparent death of chivalry has led to pessimism towards marriage. Julie B. Beck said, “Evidence is all around us that the family is becoming less important. Marriage rates are declining, the age of marriage is rising, and divorce rates are rising. Out-of-wedlock births are growing. Abortion is rising and becoming increasingly legal. We see lower birth rates. We see unequal relationships between men and women, and we see cultures that still practice abuse within family relationships. Many times a career gains importance over the family.” Many are familiar with the statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Young people become depressed by this statistic and feel that the chances of them having a lasting marriage are slim. However, this statistic is false! That's right, for years people have been misinformed. It has been declining for years, but somehow this myth lives on.

We need to change this attitude towards marriage. We can't be the Lois Lane waiting for Superman to fly in to save our situation. We are the hero of our own story. We need our own personal lasso of truth to protect us from the evils of the world. Be a hero today. It can all begin with you.

Decide now to live a chaste life, to uphold your standards, and to avoid situations that you may regret. Participate in dating, don't settle for hanging out and hooking up. You have the power to create whatever life you want.

Sources:

          Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

          Miller, C. (2014, December 1). The Divorce Surge Is Over, but the Myth Lives On. New York Times.