Combating Threats to the Family

David A. Bednar has said, “Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.”

How can we combat these threats against the family? How can we defend and protect this fundamental principle of society? Well, if the adversary is attacking marriage, then first we should fortify and strengthen our marriages. 

"Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and I don't think God wants to see our marriages fail. I believe that if we work hard and ask for his help, we can fight these modern threats towards the family.

In the words of Blake Shelton:

On my own I'm only

Half of what I could be

I can't do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered

I pray we never undo

'Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you, gave me you

He gave me you

For many people, "the pathways to a healthy, stable marriage are increasingly convoluted and challenging to walk" (Hawkins et al). Just as superheroes must go through training to strengthen their bodies and hone their skills, so must we study and train to have strong relationships. 

How can we receive this "training"? The Family: A Proclamation to the World challenges "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society". So, in a sense, we are being asked to teach others and learn from others what to do to build strong relationships. We can't just say, "here's a problem, now somebody fix it." Rather, we must say, "here's a problem, and here's  a solution." The idea of "leaving youth and young adults on their own totry to figure out how they can achieve their hopes for a healthy, stable marriage seems a heartless and counterproductive strategy" (Hawkins et al).

We can't leave the future generations alone to struggle. Wouldn't it be better for them to learn from our mistakes instead of making their own? We can strengthen future families by teaching others how to communicate with one another. Educating couples on how the other sex thinks and acts can prevent many problems. As we stand up for the family and God's rules concerning marriage, we can fight the adversary. We don't have to let Satan win this round. The end is already known. God has already won, but let's help Him win this battle. We are latter-day heroes and we have what it takes to fight back. We know what God has commanded, now let us as responsible citizens go out and promote those messages (The Family).

Sources:

Barnes, D. (2011). God Gave Me You [Recorded by Blake Shelton]. On Red River Blue [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Warner Brothers Nashville

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Public Policy Agenda to Help Couples Form and Sustain Healthy, Stable Marriages. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Building Strong Families

The X-Men are, in my opinion, extremely underrated. They are so flippin' amazing! A bunch of misfits and unwanted people came together and created a superhero team! It doesn't get much better than that! I think what makes me like them so much is that not only are they  a team, they are a family as well. They live together at Charles Xavier's school and spend time together. Their activities and training help build strong relationships and a stronger team. 

It seems like everywhere I look people are sellling advice on creating a strong family. Self- help and advice books advertise the answers. But what are the answers? What really works? I argue that we can build strong families through participation in wholesome family activities. 

What constitutes a wholesome family activity? How can we decide what is wholesome? In today's world "we seem to be connected to the whole world electronically, yet disconnected to those closest to us" (Hawkins et al). Not much growth comes from watching movies, playing video games, or hanging out on Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I think these activities are great. Sometimes we just need to pop in a movie and unwind. However, I don't think that this should become a habit leading to family members not knowing how to interact unless they are staring at a screen. I agree with the words of Elder D. Todd Christofferson, “At the same time, it hardly needs to be said that much of what passes for entertainment today is coarse, degrading, violent, mind-numbing, and time wasting. Ironically, it sometimes takes hard work to find wholesome leisure. When entertainment turns from virtue to vice, it becomes a destroyer of the consecrated life.” I think that too often we don’t want to go through the effort of planning and participating in wholesome recreation. It’s much easier to turn on the TV, Xbox, or Wii. I believe that as we work hard to make wholesome recreation a part of our family life it will pay off in the emotional and spiritual levels of each family member. I also think that the more we do it, the easier it will become. We need to return to activities that connect us to our families. 

Just like building a house, as we build a family we need to first create a strong foundation. The "habits [that] children develop early in their lives stay with them and are difficult to change" (Hawkins et al). The first wholesome activity for families that comes to mind is going to church. Going to church services and activities include benefits such as, "strengthend relationships, more family togetherness and unity, increased communication, less contention and more kindness" (Hawkins et al). In this world church attendance seems to be frowned upon, and it isn't "cool" for teens or young adults to go. Being "cool" isn't what we are striving for. We want to raise responsible, intelligent, and hardworking children. To me, that is cool. Another activity that seems to be disappearing is the practice of sitting down and eating a meal together as a family. Sports, clubs, jobs, and other committments pull us away from each other and I think that it is important for us to set aside the time to listen and talk to one another. 

I think that wholesome family activities are activities that invite the spirit or a lesson is learned. Ezra Taft Benson said, “Wholesome recreation is part of our religion, and a change of pace is necessary, and even its anticipation can lift the spirit.” I think that the closer an activity brings us to our families, the more wholesome it is. Some of my favorite activities to do with my family include camping, hiking, going fishing, playing sports, and cooking together. I think that activities that don’t include competition generally have better results. If we are concerned about winning or being better, we forget to learn to work together and to have fun.

We live in a world where the possiblities are endless, we just need to go after them. I challenge you to start a new tradition to build your own X-Men. Don't just build a team, build a family. Have each other's backs and trust one another.

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Family Teamwork

Life's not fair. We don't all get what we want, and life is tough. Sometimes it takes everything in us to get through the day. I believe that we were given families to help us through these times. We have mothers to cool our foreheads when we're sick. We have siblings to eat lunch with when we are along. We have spouses to hold our hands and to be our rock amidst the storms of life. I hope that at some point in our life we can be that to someone else. Martina McBride said it best in the following lyrics:

I know that you're afraid and I am, too

But you'll never be alone, I promise you

When you're weak, I'll be strong

When you let go, I'll hold on

When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes

When you feel lost and scared to death

Like you can't take one more step

Just take my hand, together we can do it

I'm gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long

I'll be the rock you lean on

Just take my hand, together we can do it

I'm gonna love you through it

In our marriages, we create partnerships and as a family we are a team. This team is similar to the Avengers. The Avengers aren't heroes because of their fancy outfits and their cool name. Being a team isn't the important thing, it's the teamwork. Perhaps the most important part of that word is the second half: work.

So many blessings come from working together as families. It, "provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesust Christ" (Hawkins et al). An ideal life is not free of work. We have jobs to go to, houses to clean, meals to cook, and children to raise. "Adam and Eve found joy in leving the garden to face the labors of life... [and] by doing so could they grow toward godhead" (Hawkins et al).

But can such work be fun? The answer is a resounding "Yes!" Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are of the times we worked together as a family. Whether it was raking the garden, mowing the yard, or moving rocks, the job seemed less difficult because I was working with my family.  Working together provides "daily opportunities for parents to teach while working alongside their children" and allows family members "to bond while they work together to serve the family" (Hawkins et al). 

Each member of the family is needed in family work. A team cannot fuction if it is missing a member. The Avengers can't save the day without Captain America leading the way. Children must learn to take responsibility for their chores, mothers set the role for housework, and fathers set the standard for participation in family work.

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Isaacs, S., Yeary, J., Hayslip, B. (2001). I’m Gonna Love You Through It [Recorded by Martina McBride]. On Eleven [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Republic Nashville

Equal Partnership: The Incredibles

When I think of a successful family unit, I think of the Incredibles. Just like any family, they have their problems and disagreements. However, they work through them together and that makes all the difference. “The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development” (Benson).

“Equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. And getting there is hard work” (Hafen). In today's world, equal partnerships in marriage are not as supported as they should be. Christ's restored church declares that marriage is an equal partnership both here on earth and forever in the eternities, this belief is not common even among different Christian denominations (Hawkins et al).

As Latter-Day Heroes and defenders of the family, it is our duty to stand up for the equality in marriage relationships. “This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before. If they don’t know the doctrine, they can’t defend it” (Beck). I hope that this post will help you to understand the doctrine of equal partnerships in marriage so that you are able to defend the family.

What does an equal partnership entail? Being equal does not mean being identical, but rather it means having the same value. For example, no two oxen are the same, one may be brown with spots and the other may be black. They could both be different ages. What is important is that they pull their load together. Their value as draft animals is the same, and therefore they can share the yoke and each pull the load together. One does not pull the right half and the other the left, instead the weight is equally shared between them. It is the same with marriage, we share the load with our spouse and the job gets done.

However, that does not mean that in a marriage everything is equal. It isn't doing your half of the dishes and making your half of the bed. Husbands and wives play different roles.

The Roles of  Wives and Mothers:

“Rearing happy, peaceful children is no easy challenge in today’s world, but it can be done, and it is being done. Responsible parenthood is the key. Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it best" (Benson). Mothers are in my opinion the most underrated people on the planet. They do so much to shape their children and provide them with their needs. Neal A. Maxwell stated, "what happens in cradles and kitchens will prove to be more effective than what goes on in Congress".

Personally, my mother has had more of an impact on my life than any other person. She encourages me to reach my full potential and to never give up. I know that I can always turn to her for advice and love. I believe that a special and sacred bond exists between a mother and her children.

The Roles of Husbands and Fathers:

In John 5:19 we read, "The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise." Fathers are examples to their children. It is through the example of their actions rather than their words that children grow and learn. The Family: A Proclamation states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families... In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." 

D- Dedicated

A- and

D- Devoted

Blessings of Working as Equal Partners:

No matter the differences between spouses, obtaining an equal partnership is not unattainable. In fact, "research has demonstrated that couples who have an equal partnership have happier relationships, better individul well-being, more effective parenting practices, and better-functioning children" (Hawkins et al).  Not only will working as equals bless our relationship with our spouse, it will strengthen the family unit as a whole, allowing the children to prosper as well. 

Sources:

Beck, J. (2011, March 1). Teaching the Doctrine of the Family. Retrieved October 5, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng

Benson, E. (1992, July 1). Salvation-A Family Affair. Retrieved October 5, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/07/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng

Hafen, B. (2007, August 1). Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners. Retrieved October 12, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/08/crossing-thresholds-and-becoming-equal-partners?lang=eng

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.