Combating Threats to the Family

David A. Bednar has said, “Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.”

How can we combat these threats against the family? How can we defend and protect this fundamental principle of society? Well, if the adversary is attacking marriage, then first we should fortify and strengthen our marriages. 

"Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and I don't think God wants to see our marriages fail. I believe that if we work hard and ask for his help, we can fight these modern threats towards the family.

In the words of Blake Shelton:

On my own I'm only

Half of what I could be

I can't do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered

I pray we never undo

'Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you, gave me you

He gave me you

For many people, "the pathways to a healthy, stable marriage are increasingly convoluted and challenging to walk" (Hawkins et al). Just as superheroes must go through training to strengthen their bodies and hone their skills, so must we study and train to have strong relationships. 

How can we receive this "training"? The Family: A Proclamation to the World challenges "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society". So, in a sense, we are being asked to teach others and learn from others what to do to build strong relationships. We can't just say, "here's a problem, now somebody fix it." Rather, we must say, "here's a problem, and here's  a solution." The idea of "leaving youth and young adults on their own totry to figure out how they can achieve their hopes for a healthy, stable marriage seems a heartless and counterproductive strategy" (Hawkins et al).

We can't leave the future generations alone to struggle. Wouldn't it be better for them to learn from our mistakes instead of making their own? We can strengthen future families by teaching others how to communicate with one another. Educating couples on how the other sex thinks and acts can prevent many problems. As we stand up for the family and God's rules concerning marriage, we can fight the adversary. We don't have to let Satan win this round. The end is already known. God has already won, but let's help Him win this battle. We are latter-day heroes and we have what it takes to fight back. We know what God has commanded, now let us as responsible citizens go out and promote those messages (The Family).

Sources:

Barnes, D. (2011). God Gave Me You [Recorded by Blake Shelton]. On Red River Blue [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Warner Brothers Nashville

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Public Policy Agenda to Help Couples Form and Sustain Healthy, Stable Marriages. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Heroes Among Us

We are surronded by heroes. All we need to do is look around us. I wish that I could share a photo of everyone, because in some way we are all heroes. We are heroes to our children, our friends, our spouses, our co-workers, to random people. It doesn't matter who we are a hero to. Just remember your potential!

Let's look at Hugh Jackman, who professionally plays a super hero. His hero is his dad. Even Wolverine has a hero! 

 

Now let's look at Stan Lee. He is a millionaire from creating superheroes. He is the hero to others and yet here he is holding a sign that says he is for real life superheroes. Even the heroes need heroes!

 Let's not forget the biggest heroes of all. These men sacrifice their lives for our freedom. Their courage, selflessness, and honor make them real life heroes.

I created a survey asking college students and family members who their favorite hero/heroine was and what attributes their hero had that they admired. Below you will see the results of this survey. I was very surprised that Captain America was so popular. After asking the second part to the question, his popularity made sense. 

While some heroes were picked solely for their good looks, others were picked for their character. Some liked Thor because of his hammer. Others liked that Ironman is rich. But often, after describing these characteristics my fellow students began to delve deeper into their appreciation for their hero. A girl named Sydney stated, "I choose Charles Xavier because he is a great leader despite his physical limitations". Rochelle explained, "Ironman is smart, and he isn't afraid to give his opinion, and he tries even if he shows off a little bit. And he's attractive. BONUS- he listens to AC/DC". Finally, Harlee said, "my favorite hero would have to be the Hulk. I like that he realizes that he has flaws and yet he doesn't let those flaws define him. He tries his best to be a good person and help those around him."

We can learn so much from these heroes. That is what heroes are for, an example to look up to and to strive to be like. If only we could have the "good morals and goodness" about us that Rylee admires in Captain America. Being a hero doesn't require superhuman strength, cat-like reflexes, or mind-controlling abilities. It comes from within. Thor wouldn't be as amazing without his honor and worthiness to wield his hammer. Wonder Woman wouldn't be wonderful without her compassionate and good-hearted nature.

We, like the Hulk, have flaws. What makes us a hero is moving on despite those flaws. Fighting for and defending what is important to us shows a strength of character more than it shows a physical strength.

 You are the Hulk: Calm, and collected, and thoughtful, you're an intellectual with an unstoppable rage beast living just under the surface. You're not proud of that rage beast, but you have to appreciate the way it gets things done.

You are Captain America: A natural leader who sets

a good example and never gives up. People defer to your sense of justice and integrity. You do your best to protect others, and nothing upsets you more than someone being a bully.

 You are Superman: You embody a strong sense of morality and selflessness. Goodness is apart of your being, and you are a strong believer that all people are good and deserve a second chance. 

Building Strong Families

The X-Men are, in my opinion, extremely underrated. They are so flippin' amazing! A bunch of misfits and unwanted people came together and created a superhero team! It doesn't get much better than that! I think what makes me like them so much is that not only are they  a team, they are a family as well. They live together at Charles Xavier's school and spend time together. Their activities and training help build strong relationships and a stronger team. 

It seems like everywhere I look people are sellling advice on creating a strong family. Self- help and advice books advertise the answers. But what are the answers? What really works? I argue that we can build strong families through participation in wholesome family activities. 

What constitutes a wholesome family activity? How can we decide what is wholesome? In today's world "we seem to be connected to the whole world electronically, yet disconnected to those closest to us" (Hawkins et al). Not much growth comes from watching movies, playing video games, or hanging out on Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I think these activities are great. Sometimes we just need to pop in a movie and unwind. However, I don't think that this should become a habit leading to family members not knowing how to interact unless they are staring at a screen. I agree with the words of Elder D. Todd Christofferson, “At the same time, it hardly needs to be said that much of what passes for entertainment today is coarse, degrading, violent, mind-numbing, and time wasting. Ironically, it sometimes takes hard work to find wholesome leisure. When entertainment turns from virtue to vice, it becomes a destroyer of the consecrated life.” I think that too often we don’t want to go through the effort of planning and participating in wholesome recreation. It’s much easier to turn on the TV, Xbox, or Wii. I believe that as we work hard to make wholesome recreation a part of our family life it will pay off in the emotional and spiritual levels of each family member. I also think that the more we do it, the easier it will become. We need to return to activities that connect us to our families. 

Just like building a house, as we build a family we need to first create a strong foundation. The "habits [that] children develop early in their lives stay with them and are difficult to change" (Hawkins et al). The first wholesome activity for families that comes to mind is going to church. Going to church services and activities include benefits such as, "strengthend relationships, more family togetherness and unity, increased communication, less contention and more kindness" (Hawkins et al). In this world church attendance seems to be frowned upon, and it isn't "cool" for teens or young adults to go. Being "cool" isn't what we are striving for. We want to raise responsible, intelligent, and hardworking children. To me, that is cool. Another activity that seems to be disappearing is the practice of sitting down and eating a meal together as a family. Sports, clubs, jobs, and other committments pull us away from each other and I think that it is important for us to set aside the time to listen and talk to one another. 

I think that wholesome family activities are activities that invite the spirit or a lesson is learned. Ezra Taft Benson said, “Wholesome recreation is part of our religion, and a change of pace is necessary, and even its anticipation can lift the spirit.” I think that the closer an activity brings us to our families, the more wholesome it is. Some of my favorite activities to do with my family include camping, hiking, going fishing, playing sports, and cooking together. I think that activities that don’t include competition generally have better results. If we are concerned about winning or being better, we forget to learn to work together and to have fun.

We live in a world where the possiblities are endless, we just need to go after them. I challenge you to start a new tradition to build your own X-Men. Don't just build a team, build a family. Have each other's backs and trust one another.

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Family Teamwork

Life's not fair. We don't all get what we want, and life is tough. Sometimes it takes everything in us to get through the day. I believe that we were given families to help us through these times. We have mothers to cool our foreheads when we're sick. We have siblings to eat lunch with when we are along. We have spouses to hold our hands and to be our rock amidst the storms of life. I hope that at some point in our life we can be that to someone else. Martina McBride said it best in the following lyrics:

I know that you're afraid and I am, too

But you'll never be alone, I promise you

When you're weak, I'll be strong

When you let go, I'll hold on

When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes

When you feel lost and scared to death

Like you can't take one more step

Just take my hand, together we can do it

I'm gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long

I'll be the rock you lean on

Just take my hand, together we can do it

I'm gonna love you through it

In our marriages, we create partnerships and as a family we are a team. This team is similar to the Avengers. The Avengers aren't heroes because of their fancy outfits and their cool name. Being a team isn't the important thing, it's the teamwork. Perhaps the most important part of that word is the second half: work.

So many blessings come from working together as families. It, "provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesust Christ" (Hawkins et al). An ideal life is not free of work. We have jobs to go to, houses to clean, meals to cook, and children to raise. "Adam and Eve found joy in leving the garden to face the labors of life... [and] by doing so could they grow toward godhead" (Hawkins et al).

But can such work be fun? The answer is a resounding "Yes!" Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are of the times we worked together as a family. Whether it was raking the garden, mowing the yard, or moving rocks, the job seemed less difficult because I was working with my family.  Working together provides "daily opportunities for parents to teach while working alongside their children" and allows family members "to bond while they work together to serve the family" (Hawkins et al). 

Each member of the family is needed in family work. A team cannot fuction if it is missing a member. The Avengers can't save the day without Captain America leading the way. Children must learn to take responsibility for their chores, mothers set the role for housework, and fathers set the standard for participation in family work.

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Isaacs, S., Yeary, J., Hayslip, B. (2001). I’m Gonna Love You Through It [Recorded by Martina McBride]. On Eleven [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Republic Nashville

Forgiveness in Families

Forgiveness is a topic where following it is much easier said than done. How many of us struggle to forgive someone for what they've done? Often the damage can't be undone with a simple "I'm sorry." Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is so worth it! The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of... repentance [and] forgiveness."

Let's use the relationship of Thor and Loki as an example (please note that I am using their story from The Avengers  and both Thor movies rather than the comic book stories). 

Thor and Loki grew up together as brother, but as their father, Odin, praised and spoiled Thor, Loki became resentful. Loki became bitter and began to find ways to gain favor in his father's eyes by making Thor look bad. When Thor is banished to Earth for his careless (and pretty much stupid) ways, his brother Loki sees this as an opportunity to take over the throne of Asgard.

This begins Loki's plan to kill Thor, and possibly destroy earth if necessary. However, Thor defeats the warrior Lokie sends after him and Thor returns to Asgard to confront Loki. Thor arrives and fights Loki before destroying the Bifröst Bridge to stop Loki's plan, stranding himself in Asgard. Odin arrives and prevents the brothers from falling into the hole created by the bridge's destruction, but Loki allows himself to fall when Odin rejects his pleas for approval.

Loki and Thor do not get the chance to mend their relationship until after Thor has joined the Avengers and Loki decides to try to take over Earth and become its ruler. Again, brother is pitted against brother. After the Avengers work together and save Earth from destruction, Thor takes Loki back to Asgard to be dealt with, rather than leaving his treatment up to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Later, and evil "god" Malekith, awakened by the release of the Aether attacks Asgard. During the battle, Malekith and Algrim search for Jane, sensing that she contains the Aether. Thor's mother Frigga is killed protecting Jane (Thor's girlfriend). Thor enlists the help of Loki, who knows of a secret portal to Svartalfheim, where they will use Jane to lure and confront Malekith, away from Asgard. In return, Thor promises Loki vengeance on Malekith for killing their mother. Thor's humility in asking for Loki's help is the first step allowing their relationship to be mended.

The first step in forgiving someone, is to recall the hurt. Usually we try to ignore the hurt, but "in order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury" (Hawkins et al). Thor could no longer pretend that Loki's actions had hurt him. Next, Thor had to empathize with Loki. He needed to see the world through his eyes. Thor couldn't truly forgive Loki without understanding Loki's feelings and reasoning. The next step was for Thor to offer forgiveness. After Thor released Loki from prison, he worked hard to be there for his brother and to give him a second chance.  He committed to publicly forgive Loki before his friends and fellow warriors.

Perhaps the most important step in the forgiveness process is to hold on to forgiveness. People need to "move forward with one's life instead of revisiting the transgression committed agains him or her.

I leave with you these words, "Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family, someone in your neighborhood who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness" (Holland).

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Holland, J. (2008, December 1). Amazed at the Love Jesus Offers Me - Liahona Dec. 2008 - Liahona. Retrieved November 9, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/liahona/2008/12/amazed-at-the-love-jesus-offers-me?lang=eng

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation