Forgiveness in Families

Forgiveness is a topic where following it is much easier said than done. How many of us struggle to forgive someone for what they've done? Often the damage can't be undone with a simple "I'm sorry." Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is so worth it! The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of... repentance [and] forgiveness."

Let's use the relationship of Thor and Loki as an example (please note that I am using their story from The Avengers  and both Thor movies rather than the comic book stories). 

Thor and Loki grew up together as brother, but as their father, Odin, praised and spoiled Thor, Loki became resentful. Loki became bitter and began to find ways to gain favor in his father's eyes by making Thor look bad. When Thor is banished to Earth for his careless (and pretty much stupid) ways, his brother Loki sees this as an opportunity to take over the throne of Asgard.

This begins Loki's plan to kill Thor, and possibly destroy earth if necessary. However, Thor defeats the warrior Lokie sends after him and Thor returns to Asgard to confront Loki. Thor arrives and fights Loki before destroying the Bifröst Bridge to stop Loki's plan, stranding himself in Asgard. Odin arrives and prevents the brothers from falling into the hole created by the bridge's destruction, but Loki allows himself to fall when Odin rejects his pleas for approval.

Loki and Thor do not get the chance to mend their relationship until after Thor has joined the Avengers and Loki decides to try to take over Earth and become its ruler. Again, brother is pitted against brother. After the Avengers work together and save Earth from destruction, Thor takes Loki back to Asgard to be dealt with, rather than leaving his treatment up to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Later, and evil "god" Malekith, awakened by the release of the Aether attacks Asgard. During the battle, Malekith and Algrim search for Jane, sensing that she contains the Aether. Thor's mother Frigga is killed protecting Jane (Thor's girlfriend). Thor enlists the help of Loki, who knows of a secret portal to Svartalfheim, where they will use Jane to lure and confront Malekith, away from Asgard. In return, Thor promises Loki vengeance on Malekith for killing their mother. Thor's humility in asking for Loki's help is the first step allowing their relationship to be mended.

The first step in forgiving someone, is to recall the hurt. Usually we try to ignore the hurt, but "in order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury" (Hawkins et al). Thor could no longer pretend that Loki's actions had hurt him. Next, Thor had to empathize with Loki. He needed to see the world through his eyes. Thor couldn't truly forgive Loki without understanding Loki's feelings and reasoning. The next step was for Thor to offer forgiveness. After Thor released Loki from prison, he worked hard to be there for his brother and to give him a second chance.  He committed to publicly forgive Loki before his friends and fellow warriors.

Perhaps the most important step in the forgiveness process is to hold on to forgiveness. People need to "move forward with one's life instead of revisiting the transgression committed agains him or her.

I leave with you these words, "Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family, someone in your neighborhood who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness" (Holland).

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Holland, J. (2008, December 1). Amazed at the Love Jesus Offers Me - Liahona Dec. 2008 - Liahona. Retrieved November 9, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/liahona/2008/12/amazed-at-the-love-jesus-offers-me?lang=eng

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation