Heroic Code of Conduct

Just as heroes have their own code of honor, so do we as Latter-Day Saints. Our banner, or modern "title of liberty" if you will, is known as The Family: A Proclamation to the World. This year, The Proclamation celebrated its 20th anniversary. It was first announced by President Gordon B. Hinckley "at the annual general Relief Society meeting" (Hawkins et al). Even though it was first given so long ago, its importance is not lessened. Rather, it has become more important as time progresses.

The Proclamation is a guide to families all around the world. There is a reason "to the World" was added at the end, it isn't just for the church. God loves all of His children, and He wants the message of the Proclamation to spread to the whole world. Today, "more than ever, families are under attack. A culture of throwaway relationships; familial apathay and permissive values... and immorality has made the responsibility to build strong families more challenging and more important" (Hawkins et al).

The Proclamation can provide direction in many aspects of our lives. It answers questions concerning gender, parental roles, our divine nature, marriage, and the law of chastity. Not only does The Proclamation provide answers, it also ends with a challenge to "promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society" (The Family).

In this instance, we are Clark Kent rather than Superman. We have our own "Daily Planet" to share goodness through. Today social media allows us to share our beliefs in a variety of ways. We can promote the importance of the family unit with the click of a button. There are so many people who have yet to hear the glad message of The Proclamation. I reaffirm that it is our duty as responsible citizens to promote and spread the message of The Proclamation. How can we have this knowledge, and not share it? 

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The Proclamation: A Guide, a Banner, and a Doctinal Summary of the Church’s Emphasis on the Family. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Heroic Duties

I'd like to start today's post out with the words of Brad Paisley:

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old

He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go

A few months later I remember lying there in bed

I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes

And then all of a sudden

Oh, it seemed so strange to me

How we went from something's missing

To a family

Lookin' back all I can say

About all the things he did for me

Is I hope I'm at least half the dad

That he didn't have to be

This song always reminds me of the type of parent I want to be. In the song, the young boy is overwhelmed by the love he is shown by his step-father. I feel that such love and devotion to our children is not only necessary, but our duty as parents. As parents, we "have a sacred duty to rear [our] children in love and righteousness" (The Family).

Our duties as parents are similar to heroic duties held by superheroes. For example, heroes protect and defend people from threats. They slay the dragon or put the bad guy in jail. Being a hero requires more than just being a good role model. It requires sacrifice and effort. Iron Man didn't become a superhero by building a cool suit. He became a hero by saving the lives of innocent people. He was a hero because he risked his life.

Now, parents are not asked to sacrifice their lives for their children to become heroes, but sacrifices do need to be made. Our time is no longer our own. It belongs to our spouse and our children. We may have to sacrifice reading the next chapter in that wonderful book, or give up watching that chick flick to help finish a science project or kiss a "boo-boo". It is through our actions that our heroic character develops.

We must become "models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes" (Hawkins et al). Developing these attributes prepares us to be able to fulfill all of our parental and heroic duties.

As quoted above, being a parent is a sacred duty. Not an important or meaningful duty- a sacred duty. Don't be discouraged by this duty, God has given us "commandments, guiding principles, and helpful examples in the scriptures, along with the counsel of modern-day prophets and apostles" to help us as we fulfill our duties as parents (Hawkins et al). 

How can we influence our children for good? How do we make sure that they follow the right path? It has been discovered that "it is within the moral and spiritual domains where parents can have the most influence" (Hawkins et al). This makes sense, because our religious views and practices shape how we think and who we become. I truly believe that "one of the most powerful tools that parents have in teaching positive values to their children is their religious faith" (Hawkins et al). 

I believe that through our actions we can show our children the correct principles in life to live by. I believe that as we sacrifice our time to truly get to know our children and to become their friend, we can also become their hero. I believe that "Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such efforts becomes life’s most satisfying compensation" (Hinckley).

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude: Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Hinckley, G. (1994, October 1). Save the Children. Retrieved October 30, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1994/10/save-the-children?lang=eng

Lovelace, J., Paisley, B. (1999). He Didn’t Have to be [Recorded by Brad Paisley]. On Who Needs Pictures [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Artista Nashville.

Zero to hero

"When we ask why people become heroic, research doesn’t yet have an answer. It could be that heroes have more compassion or empathy; maybe there’s a hero gene; maybe it’s because of their levels of oxytocin—research by neuroeconomist Paul Zak has shown that this “love hormone” in the brain increases the likelihood you’ll demonstrate altruism. We don’t know for sure" (Zimbardo). 

Unfortunately, we can't become a hero by simply wanting to be one. Being a hero requires more than slaying monsters and getting the girl. As Hercules learned, "a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart."

The process of becoming a hero is similar to the process of developing a successful relationship. 

First: You need to meet someone or become aware of their existence. Just as Hercules becomes aware of his powers, we become aware of the influence another might have on us.

Second: You must progress from acquaintance to building a relationship.  Behaviors that allow this change to come about include, "high levels of routine contact and activity (for example, calling, texting, going places together, and just spending lots of time together), providing emotional support and... talking about the relationship" (Hawkins et al). This is comparable to Hercules seeing his potential and practicing to become a true hero.

The main indicator that you have moved on to this phase is the first date. These are often awkward and uncomfortable. However, "most people seem to prefer being friends before moving into a possible romantic relationship" and going first as friends can ease the awkwardness of the situation. (Hawkins et al). Hercules didn't become a master swordsman by simply picking it up.  Dating is a process and the more you date, the easier it becomes.

Thirdly: Couples need to carry on in the relationship. They need to be invested in a long term relationship, and for most couples, marriage is the next natural step. Hercules is invested in his heroic abilities and works hard to ensure that he is prepared.

Lastly: Just because we finally got married, we are not able to stop putting effort into our relationship. We must "measure up" to our responsibilities and fulfill our roles in the home. 

The marriage process allows us to recognize the attributes we admire in others and to seek to gain those attributes as well. Hopefully we will all develop the qualities we appreciate in others. We can start to develop hero-like qualities now, because after marriage come children and now is the best time to prepare to be their heroes.

I would like to echo the challenge of Philip Zimbardo, "to take the 'hero pledge,' a public declaration on our website that says you’re willing to be a hero in waiting. It’s a pledge 'to act when confronted with a situation where I feel something is wrong,' 'to develop my heroic abilities,' and 'to believe in the heroic capacities within myself and others, so I can build and refine them.' "

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, and Choosing an Eternal Companion. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Zimbardo, P. (2011, January 18). What Makes a Hero? Retrieved October 11, 2015, from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_makes_a_hero

For the Heroes: A Pep Talk From Kid President

This video is a little long, but well worth it.

Captain America

The first superhero I would like to focus on is Captain America. He has a strong sense of duty, honor, and humility. In WWII he served as a symbol of freedom. In one of his comics he says, "We must all live in the real world... and sometimes that world can be pretty grim. But it is the [American] Dream... the hope... that makes the reality worth living."

I want to be a hero to my children. I want to be a symbol of humility, love, and happiness. I want to instill in them the importance of honest, faith and perseverance. The world we live in can be pretty grim. It can be cruel. It can be disheartening. But we are children of God with a divine nature and potential. We can get through every trial and conquer as heroes.