Zero to hero

"When we ask why people become heroic, research doesn’t yet have an answer. It could be that heroes have more compassion or empathy; maybe there’s a hero gene; maybe it’s because of their levels of oxytocin—research by neuroeconomist Paul Zak has shown that this “love hormone” in the brain increases the likelihood you’ll demonstrate altruism. We don’t know for sure" (Zimbardo). 

Unfortunately, we can't become a hero by simply wanting to be one. Being a hero requires more than slaying monsters and getting the girl. As Hercules learned, "a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart."

The process of becoming a hero is similar to the process of developing a successful relationship. 

First: You need to meet someone or become aware of their existence. Just as Hercules becomes aware of his powers, we become aware of the influence another might have on us.

Second: You must progress from acquaintance to building a relationship.  Behaviors that allow this change to come about include, "high levels of routine contact and activity (for example, calling, texting, going places together, and just spending lots of time together), providing emotional support and... talking about the relationship" (Hawkins et al). This is comparable to Hercules seeing his potential and practicing to become a true hero.

The main indicator that you have moved on to this phase is the first date. These are often awkward and uncomfortable. However, "most people seem to prefer being friends before moving into a possible romantic relationship" and going first as friends can ease the awkwardness of the situation. (Hawkins et al). Hercules didn't become a master swordsman by simply picking it up.  Dating is a process and the more you date, the easier it becomes.

Thirdly: Couples need to carry on in the relationship. They need to be invested in a long term relationship, and for most couples, marriage is the next natural step. Hercules is invested in his heroic abilities and works hard to ensure that he is prepared.

Lastly: Just because we finally got married, we are not able to stop putting effort into our relationship. We must "measure up" to our responsibilities and fulfill our roles in the home. 

The marriage process allows us to recognize the attributes we admire in others and to seek to gain those attributes as well. Hopefully we will all develop the qualities we appreciate in others. We can start to develop hero-like qualities now, because after marriage come children and now is the best time to prepare to be their heroes.

I would like to echo the challenge of Philip Zimbardo, "to take the 'hero pledge,' a public declaration on our website that says you’re willing to be a hero in waiting. It’s a pledge 'to act when confronted with a situation where I feel something is wrong,' 'to develop my heroic abilities,' and 'to believe in the heroic capacities within myself and others, so I can build and refine them.' "

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, and Choosing an Eternal Companion. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Zimbardo, P. (2011, January 18). What Makes a Hero? Retrieved October 11, 2015, from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_makes_a_hero