Why We Need a Savior

The Christmas season is here, and I wanted to share this message as a reminder for why we celebrate. I know that because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His gospel, we can be together forever as families. Christ is the true superhero.

Heroic Code of Conduct

Just as heroes have their own code of honor, so do we as Latter-Day Saints. Our banner, or modern "title of liberty" if you will, is known as The Family: A Proclamation to the World. This year, The Proclamation celebrated its 20th anniversary. It was first announced by President Gordon B. Hinckley "at the annual general Relief Society meeting" (Hawkins et al). Even though it was first given so long ago, its importance is not lessened. Rather, it has become more important as time progresses.

The Proclamation is a guide to families all around the world. There is a reason "to the World" was added at the end, it isn't just for the church. God loves all of His children, and He wants the message of the Proclamation to spread to the whole world. Today, "more than ever, families are under attack. A culture of throwaway relationships; familial apathay and permissive values... and immorality has made the responsibility to build strong families more challenging and more important" (Hawkins et al).

The Proclamation can provide direction in many aspects of our lives. It answers questions concerning gender, parental roles, our divine nature, marriage, and the law of chastity. Not only does The Proclamation provide answers, it also ends with a challenge to "promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society" (The Family).

In this instance, we are Clark Kent rather than Superman. We have our own "Daily Planet" to share goodness through. Today social media allows us to share our beliefs in a variety of ways. We can promote the importance of the family unit with the click of a button. There are so many people who have yet to hear the glad message of The Proclamation. I reaffirm that it is our duty as responsible citizens to promote and spread the message of The Proclamation. How can we have this knowledge, and not share it? 

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The Proclamation: A Guide, a Banner, and a Doctinal Summary of the Church’s Emphasis on the Family. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Defending the Innocent

As the political debate is heating up for the next election, the issue of abortion is again being brought up. "Donald Trump... declared himself pro-life after years of supporting the pro-abortion position" while Ben Carson "supports the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act which would make it illegal to have an abortion more than 20 weeks after fertilization, allowing exceptions for rape, incest or the life of the mother" (Donald, Ben). Another presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, said, "I think abortion should remain legal, but it needs to be safe and rare. And I have spent many years now, as a private citizen, as first lady, and now as senator, trying to make it rare, trying to create the conditions where women had other choices" (Hillary).

But which of these if any is right? How do we decide which stance is the best course of action? Luckily, the Lord has given us revelation that answers that question.

"The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints declares the sanctity of human life. We deplore the practice of partial-birth abortion which destroys innocent life, and we condemn and oppose it as one of the most revolting and sinful practices of our day" (Hawkins et al). While the church is opposed to abortion, it does allow for special circumstances where abortion is an option. For example, "a pregnant mother may consider aborting a child conceived as a result of incest or rape because of the severe trauma that she has already experienced as a victim" (Hawkins et al).

I would like to argue that as potential superheroes we fight for unborn children and fight to give them a chance at life. "By abortion, the mother kills even her own child to solve her problems... [and] the father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world" this can then makes the same father "likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion leads to abortion" (Hawkins et al).

I don't think pregnancy should be looked at as a problem that will ruin our lives. Yes, sometimes it is a problem that effects our lives, but I don't think it needs to ruin it, and abortion certainly shouldn't be seen as the only solution.

Giving a child up for adoption is one of the most selfless things I can think of. Adoption blesses several lives. It allows the child to be raised in a loving home that can provide for him or her. This also allows the adoptive parents (or family) to raise a child, which they might have been longing for for some time. The birth parents also are blessed by knowing that their child is in a loving home recieving their best chance at life.

I hope that as time goes on we can remember that abortion isn't the only option. There are families out there praying night and day for the chance to have a child, and adoption can be an answer to these prayers. 

Sources:

Ben Carson on Abortion. (n.d.). Retrieved December 4, 2015, from http://www.ontheissues.org/Celeb/Ben_Carson_Abortion.htm

Donald Trump on Abortion. (n.d.). Retrieved December 4, 2015, from http://www.ontheissues.org/Celeb/Donald_Trump_Abortion.htm

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Defending the Sanctity of Human Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Hillary Clinton on Abortion. (n.d.). Retrieved December 4, 2015, from http://www.ontheissues.org/Celeb/Hillary_Clinton_Abortion.htm

Combating Threats to the Family

David A. Bednar has said, “Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication.”

How can we combat these threats against the family? How can we defend and protect this fundamental principle of society? Well, if the adversary is attacking marriage, then first we should fortify and strengthen our marriages. 

"Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God" and I don't think God wants to see our marriages fail. I believe that if we work hard and ask for his help, we can fight these modern threats towards the family.

In the words of Blake Shelton:

On my own I'm only

Half of what I could be

I can't do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered

I pray we never undo

'Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you, gave me you

He gave me you

For many people, "the pathways to a healthy, stable marriage are increasingly convoluted and challenging to walk" (Hawkins et al). Just as superheroes must go through training to strengthen their bodies and hone their skills, so must we study and train to have strong relationships. 

How can we receive this "training"? The Family: A Proclamation to the World challenges "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society". So, in a sense, we are being asked to teach others and learn from others what to do to build strong relationships. We can't just say, "here's a problem, now somebody fix it." Rather, we must say, "here's a problem, and here's  a solution." The idea of "leaving youth and young adults on their own totry to figure out how they can achieve their hopes for a healthy, stable marriage seems a heartless and counterproductive strategy" (Hawkins et al).

We can't leave the future generations alone to struggle. Wouldn't it be better for them to learn from our mistakes instead of making their own? We can strengthen future families by teaching others how to communicate with one another. Educating couples on how the other sex thinks and acts can prevent many problems. As we stand up for the family and God's rules concerning marriage, we can fight the adversary. We don't have to let Satan win this round. The end is already known. God has already won, but let's help Him win this battle. We are latter-day heroes and we have what it takes to fight back. We know what God has commanded, now let us as responsible citizens go out and promote those messages (The Family).

Sources:

Barnes, D. (2011). God Gave Me You [Recorded by Blake Shelton]. On Red River Blue [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Warner Brothers Nashville

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Public Policy Agenda to Help Couples Form and Sustain Healthy, Stable Marriages. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Heroes Among Us

We are surronded by heroes. All we need to do is look around us. I wish that I could share a photo of everyone, because in some way we are all heroes. We are heroes to our children, our friends, our spouses, our co-workers, to random people. It doesn't matter who we are a hero to. Just remember your potential!

Let's look at Hugh Jackman, who professionally plays a super hero. His hero is his dad. Even Wolverine has a hero! 

 

Now let's look at Stan Lee. He is a millionaire from creating superheroes. He is the hero to others and yet here he is holding a sign that says he is for real life superheroes. Even the heroes need heroes!

 Let's not forget the biggest heroes of all. These men sacrifice their lives for our freedom. Their courage, selflessness, and honor make them real life heroes.

I created a survey asking college students and family members who their favorite hero/heroine was and what attributes their hero had that they admired. Below you will see the results of this survey. I was very surprised that Captain America was so popular. After asking the second part to the question, his popularity made sense. 

While some heroes were picked solely for their good looks, others were picked for their character. Some liked Thor because of his hammer. Others liked that Ironman is rich. But often, after describing these characteristics my fellow students began to delve deeper into their appreciation for their hero. A girl named Sydney stated, "I choose Charles Xavier because he is a great leader despite his physical limitations". Rochelle explained, "Ironman is smart, and he isn't afraid to give his opinion, and he tries even if he shows off a little bit. And he's attractive. BONUS- he listens to AC/DC". Finally, Harlee said, "my favorite hero would have to be the Hulk. I like that he realizes that he has flaws and yet he doesn't let those flaws define him. He tries his best to be a good person and help those around him."

We can learn so much from these heroes. That is what heroes are for, an example to look up to and to strive to be like. If only we could have the "good morals and goodness" about us that Rylee admires in Captain America. Being a hero doesn't require superhuman strength, cat-like reflexes, or mind-controlling abilities. It comes from within. Thor wouldn't be as amazing without his honor and worthiness to wield his hammer. Wonder Woman wouldn't be wonderful without her compassionate and good-hearted nature.

We, like the Hulk, have flaws. What makes us a hero is moving on despite those flaws. Fighting for and defending what is important to us shows a strength of character more than it shows a physical strength.

 You are the Hulk: Calm, and collected, and thoughtful, you're an intellectual with an unstoppable rage beast living just under the surface. You're not proud of that rage beast, but you have to appreciate the way it gets things done.

You are Captain America: A natural leader who sets

a good example and never gives up. People defer to your sense of justice and integrity. You do your best to protect others, and nothing upsets you more than someone being a bully.

 You are Superman: You embody a strong sense of morality and selflessness. Goodness is apart of your being, and you are a strong believer that all people are good and deserve a second chance. 

Building Strong Families

The X-Men are, in my opinion, extremely underrated. They are so flippin' amazing! A bunch of misfits and unwanted people came together and created a superhero team! It doesn't get much better than that! I think what makes me like them so much is that not only are they  a team, they are a family as well. They live together at Charles Xavier's school and spend time together. Their activities and training help build strong relationships and a stronger team. 

It seems like everywhere I look people are sellling advice on creating a strong family. Self- help and advice books advertise the answers. But what are the answers? What really works? I argue that we can build strong families through participation in wholesome family activities. 

What constitutes a wholesome family activity? How can we decide what is wholesome? In today's world "we seem to be connected to the whole world electronically, yet disconnected to those closest to us" (Hawkins et al). Not much growth comes from watching movies, playing video games, or hanging out on Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I think these activities are great. Sometimes we just need to pop in a movie and unwind. However, I don't think that this should become a habit leading to family members not knowing how to interact unless they are staring at a screen. I agree with the words of Elder D. Todd Christofferson, “At the same time, it hardly needs to be said that much of what passes for entertainment today is coarse, degrading, violent, mind-numbing, and time wasting. Ironically, it sometimes takes hard work to find wholesome leisure. When entertainment turns from virtue to vice, it becomes a destroyer of the consecrated life.” I think that too often we don’t want to go through the effort of planning and participating in wholesome recreation. It’s much easier to turn on the TV, Xbox, or Wii. I believe that as we work hard to make wholesome recreation a part of our family life it will pay off in the emotional and spiritual levels of each family member. I also think that the more we do it, the easier it will become. We need to return to activities that connect us to our families. 

Just like building a house, as we build a family we need to first create a strong foundation. The "habits [that] children develop early in their lives stay with them and are difficult to change" (Hawkins et al). The first wholesome activity for families that comes to mind is going to church. Going to church services and activities include benefits such as, "strengthend relationships, more family togetherness and unity, increased communication, less contention and more kindness" (Hawkins et al). In this world church attendance seems to be frowned upon, and it isn't "cool" for teens or young adults to go. Being "cool" isn't what we are striving for. We want to raise responsible, intelligent, and hardworking children. To me, that is cool. Another activity that seems to be disappearing is the practice of sitting down and eating a meal together as a family. Sports, clubs, jobs, and other committments pull us away from each other and I think that it is important for us to set aside the time to listen and talk to one another. 

I think that wholesome family activities are activities that invite the spirit or a lesson is learned. Ezra Taft Benson said, “Wholesome recreation is part of our religion, and a change of pace is necessary, and even its anticipation can lift the spirit.” I think that the closer an activity brings us to our families, the more wholesome it is. Some of my favorite activities to do with my family include camping, hiking, going fishing, playing sports, and cooking together. I think that activities that don’t include competition generally have better results. If we are concerned about winning or being better, we forget to learn to work together and to have fun.

We live in a world where the possiblities are endless, we just need to go after them. I challenge you to start a new tradition to build your own X-Men. Don't just build a team, build a family. Have each other's backs and trust one another.

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Family Teamwork

Life's not fair. We don't all get what we want, and life is tough. Sometimes it takes everything in us to get through the day. I believe that we were given families to help us through these times. We have mothers to cool our foreheads when we're sick. We have siblings to eat lunch with when we are along. We have spouses to hold our hands and to be our rock amidst the storms of life. I hope that at some point in our life we can be that to someone else. Martina McBride said it best in the following lyrics:

I know that you're afraid and I am, too

But you'll never be alone, I promise you

When you're weak, I'll be strong

When you let go, I'll hold on

When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes

When you feel lost and scared to death

Like you can't take one more step

Just take my hand, together we can do it

I'm gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long

I'll be the rock you lean on

Just take my hand, together we can do it

I'm gonna love you through it

In our marriages, we create partnerships and as a family we are a team. This team is similar to the Avengers. The Avengers aren't heroes because of their fancy outfits and their cool name. Being a team isn't the important thing, it's the teamwork. Perhaps the most important part of that word is the second half: work.

So many blessings come from working together as families. It, "provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesust Christ" (Hawkins et al). An ideal life is not free of work. We have jobs to go to, houses to clean, meals to cook, and children to raise. "Adam and Eve found joy in leving the garden to face the labors of life... [and] by doing so could they grow toward godhead" (Hawkins et al).

But can such work be fun? The answer is a resounding "Yes!" Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are of the times we worked together as a family. Whether it was raking the garden, mowing the yard, or moving rocks, the job seemed less difficult because I was working with my family.  Working together provides "daily opportunities for parents to teach while working alongside their children" and allows family members "to bond while they work together to serve the family" (Hawkins et al). 

Each member of the family is needed in family work. A team cannot fuction if it is missing a member. The Avengers can't save the day without Captain America leading the way. Children must learn to take responsibility for their chores, mothers set the role for housework, and fathers set the standard for participation in family work.

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Isaacs, S., Yeary, J., Hayslip, B. (2001). I’m Gonna Love You Through It [Recorded by Martina McBride]. On Eleven [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Republic Nashville

Forgiveness in Families

Forgiveness is a topic where following it is much easier said than done. How many of us struggle to forgive someone for what they've done? Often the damage can't be undone with a simple "I'm sorry." Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is so worth it! The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of... repentance [and] forgiveness."

Let's use the relationship of Thor and Loki as an example (please note that I am using their story from The Avengers  and both Thor movies rather than the comic book stories). 

Thor and Loki grew up together as brother, but as their father, Odin, praised and spoiled Thor, Loki became resentful. Loki became bitter and began to find ways to gain favor in his father's eyes by making Thor look bad. When Thor is banished to Earth for his careless (and pretty much stupid) ways, his brother Loki sees this as an opportunity to take over the throne of Asgard.

This begins Loki's plan to kill Thor, and possibly destroy earth if necessary. However, Thor defeats the warrior Lokie sends after him and Thor returns to Asgard to confront Loki. Thor arrives and fights Loki before destroying the Bifröst Bridge to stop Loki's plan, stranding himself in Asgard. Odin arrives and prevents the brothers from falling into the hole created by the bridge's destruction, but Loki allows himself to fall when Odin rejects his pleas for approval.

Loki and Thor do not get the chance to mend their relationship until after Thor has joined the Avengers and Loki decides to try to take over Earth and become its ruler. Again, brother is pitted against brother. After the Avengers work together and save Earth from destruction, Thor takes Loki back to Asgard to be dealt with, rather than leaving his treatment up to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Later, and evil "god" Malekith, awakened by the release of the Aether attacks Asgard. During the battle, Malekith and Algrim search for Jane, sensing that she contains the Aether. Thor's mother Frigga is killed protecting Jane (Thor's girlfriend). Thor enlists the help of Loki, who knows of a secret portal to Svartalfheim, where they will use Jane to lure and confront Malekith, away from Asgard. In return, Thor promises Loki vengeance on Malekith for killing their mother. Thor's humility in asking for Loki's help is the first step allowing their relationship to be mended.

The first step in forgiving someone, is to recall the hurt. Usually we try to ignore the hurt, but "in order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury" (Hawkins et al). Thor could no longer pretend that Loki's actions had hurt him. Next, Thor had to empathize with Loki. He needed to see the world through his eyes. Thor couldn't truly forgive Loki without understanding Loki's feelings and reasoning. The next step was for Thor to offer forgiveness. After Thor released Loki from prison, he worked hard to be there for his brother and to give him a second chance.  He committed to publicly forgive Loki before his friends and fellow warriors.

Perhaps the most important step in the forgiveness process is to hold on to forgiveness. People need to "move forward with one's life instead of revisiting the transgression committed agains him or her.

I leave with you these words, "Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family, someone in your neighborhood who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness" (Holland).

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Holland, J. (2008, December 1). Amazed at the Love Jesus Offers Me - Liahona Dec. 2008 - Liahona. Retrieved November 9, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/liahona/2008/12/amazed-at-the-love-jesus-offers-me?lang=eng

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

What Matters Most

As parents, we have the responsibility to raise responsible children. “A home with a loving and loyal husband and wife is the supreme setting in which children can be reared in love and righteousness and in which the spiritual and physical needs of children can be met" (Bednar). The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that it is our duty to "be law-abiding citizens wherever [we] live" and "to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society".

As we teach our children to live righteously and live the commandments, we fulfill our duties as parents. We will be accountable for our parenting, and I hope that we don't become caught up in being perfect and miss out on what matters most.

"I speak to fathers and mothers everywhere with a plea to put harshness behind us, to bridle our anger, to lower our voices, and to deal with mercy and love respect one toward anther in our homes" (Hawkins et al).

We can't teach our children to be law-abiding and responsible citizens if we don't show them how such citizens act. Telling a child to avoid drinking and doing drugs only goes so far, and if we have a cigarette or a glass of wine every once in  a while, they will become confused by the contradition between our actions and our words. Too often we follow the "do as I say, not as I do" idea in our parenting methods. 

Ezra Taft Benson said, "Children must be taught right from wrong. They can and must learn the commandments of God. They must be taught that it is wrong to steal, lie, cheat, or covet what others have. Children must be taught to work at home. They should learn there that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. They should learn the pleasure of work, of doing a job well.”

Only by teaching our children what matters most can we fully appreciate what matters most in life. How great will be our joy as we watch our children grow and develop into the person we are raising them to become. 


Sources:

Bednar, D., (June 2006), Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan, Retrieved October 30, 2015 from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng

Benson, E. (1992, July 1). Salvation-A Family Affair. Retrieved November 2, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/07/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Parenting in Gospel Context: Practices Do Make a Difference. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Heroic Duties

I'd like to start today's post out with the words of Brad Paisley:

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old

He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go

A few months later I remember lying there in bed

I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes

And then all of a sudden

Oh, it seemed so strange to me

How we went from something's missing

To a family

Lookin' back all I can say

About all the things he did for me

Is I hope I'm at least half the dad

That he didn't have to be

This song always reminds me of the type of parent I want to be. In the song, the young boy is overwhelmed by the love he is shown by his step-father. I feel that such love and devotion to our children is not only necessary, but our duty as parents. As parents, we "have a sacred duty to rear [our] children in love and righteousness" (The Family).

Our duties as parents are similar to heroic duties held by superheroes. For example, heroes protect and defend people from threats. They slay the dragon or put the bad guy in jail. Being a hero requires more than just being a good role model. It requires sacrifice and effort. Iron Man didn't become a superhero by building a cool suit. He became a hero by saving the lives of innocent people. He was a hero because he risked his life.

Now, parents are not asked to sacrifice their lives for their children to become heroes, but sacrifices do need to be made. Our time is no longer our own. It belongs to our spouse and our children. We may have to sacrifice reading the next chapter in that wonderful book, or give up watching that chick flick to help finish a science project or kiss a "boo-boo". It is through our actions that our heroic character develops.

We must become "models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes" (Hawkins et al). Developing these attributes prepares us to be able to fulfill all of our parental and heroic duties.

As quoted above, being a parent is a sacred duty. Not an important or meaningful duty- a sacred duty. Don't be discouraged by this duty, God has given us "commandments, guiding principles, and helpful examples in the scriptures, along with the counsel of modern-day prophets and apostles" to help us as we fulfill our duties as parents (Hawkins et al). 

How can we influence our children for good? How do we make sure that they follow the right path? It has been discovered that "it is within the moral and spiritual domains where parents can have the most influence" (Hawkins et al). This makes sense, because our religious views and practices shape how we think and who we become. I truly believe that "one of the most powerful tools that parents have in teaching positive values to their children is their religious faith" (Hawkins et al). 

I believe that through our actions we can show our children the correct principles in life to live by. I believe that as we sacrifice our time to truly get to know our children and to become their friend, we can also become their hero. I believe that "Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such efforts becomes life’s most satisfying compensation" (Hinckley).

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude: Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Hinckley, G. (1994, October 1). Save the Children. Retrieved October 30, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1994/10/save-the-children?lang=eng

Lovelace, J., Paisley, B. (1999). He Didn’t Have to be [Recorded by Brad Paisley]. On Who Needs Pictures [cd]. Nashville, Tennessee: Artista Nashville.

You be my Lois Lane, I'll be Your Superman

Who doesn't want their story to end happily ever after? "Isn’t that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?" (Uchtdorf). As we all know, there is a lot of work to be done between our Once Upon a Time and our Happily Ever After. We all face our own hardships and misfortunes. Occasionally, when a marriage doesn't meet our expectations we may consider divorce. The purpose of this post is not to lecture you on divorce I am not the most reliable source on saving your marriage. Rather, I want to show ways for us to fight for our marriages. However, I do realize that despite our best efforts divorce must occur. I believe in heroes and that in the end good always triumphs over evil. I encourage you to heed the words of an unknown author which are, "when you feel like quitting think about why you started."

James E. Faust said, "I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred ovenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply 'mental distress' nor 'personality differences,' nor 'having grown apart,' nor 'having fallen our of love.' This is especially so where there are children" (Hawkins et al). Just as marriage is a major decision in our lives, so is the decision to get a divorce and end a relationship that we were so desperately committed to. 

Faust also taught that we should provide time to decide about divorce. We should not decide to get a divorce in the spur of the moment. A lot of consideration should go into such an important choice. For example, "many people divorce after a short period of problems and make their dicesion quickly, based almost solely on emotion" (Hawkins et al). Often regret stirs in those who have been divorced.  
I believe that in many cases, divorce can be avoided. For many considering divorce "the cause is not incompatibility but sefishness. The first step is not separation but reformation" (Hawkins et al).

The Family: A Proclamation to the world states, "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." As we work hard to create a loving atmosphere in our homes, happiness and joy will begin to abound. 

I believe that as we work through our trials together as spouses, our children will learn and grow from our examples. Solving problems as a team and not defaulting to divorce demonstrates the worth of marriage. Just as Superman always saves Lois from her doom, we can be the heroes in our marriages. We may not be faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but we are shaping the future as we teach our children right from wrong. Through our examples, we can teach our children that in the end good triumphs over evil. That, despite the trials we may face, we can reach our happily ever after. 

Sources: 

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out? Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, September 23). Retrieved October 29, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Uchtdorf, D. (2010, April 1). Your Happily Ever After. Retrieved October 22, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng

Equal Partnership: The Incredibles

When I think of a successful family unit, I think of the Incredibles. Just like any family, they have their problems and disagreements. However, they work through them together and that makes all the difference. “The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development” (Benson).

“Equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. And getting there is hard work” (Hafen). In today's world, equal partnerships in marriage are not as supported as they should be. Christ's restored church declares that marriage is an equal partnership both here on earth and forever in the eternities, this belief is not common even among different Christian denominations (Hawkins et al).

As Latter-Day Heroes and defenders of the family, it is our duty to stand up for the equality in marriage relationships. “This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before. If they don’t know the doctrine, they can’t defend it” (Beck). I hope that this post will help you to understand the doctrine of equal partnerships in marriage so that you are able to defend the family.

What does an equal partnership entail? Being equal does not mean being identical, but rather it means having the same value. For example, no two oxen are the same, one may be brown with spots and the other may be black. They could both be different ages. What is important is that they pull their load together. Their value as draft animals is the same, and therefore they can share the yoke and each pull the load together. One does not pull the right half and the other the left, instead the weight is equally shared between them. It is the same with marriage, we share the load with our spouse and the job gets done.

However, that does not mean that in a marriage everything is equal. It isn't doing your half of the dishes and making your half of the bed. Husbands and wives play different roles.

The Roles of  Wives and Mothers:

“Rearing happy, peaceful children is no easy challenge in today’s world, but it can be done, and it is being done. Responsible parenthood is the key. Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it best" (Benson). Mothers are in my opinion the most underrated people on the planet. They do so much to shape their children and provide them with their needs. Neal A. Maxwell stated, "what happens in cradles and kitchens will prove to be more effective than what goes on in Congress".

Personally, my mother has had more of an impact on my life than any other person. She encourages me to reach my full potential and to never give up. I know that I can always turn to her for advice and love. I believe that a special and sacred bond exists between a mother and her children.

The Roles of Husbands and Fathers:

In John 5:19 we read, "The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise." Fathers are examples to their children. It is through the example of their actions rather than their words that children grow and learn. The Family: A Proclamation states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families... In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." 

D- Dedicated

A- and

D- Devoted

Blessings of Working as Equal Partners:

No matter the differences between spouses, obtaining an equal partnership is not unattainable. In fact, "research has demonstrated that couples who have an equal partnership have happier relationships, better individul well-being, more effective parenting practices, and better-functioning children" (Hawkins et al).  Not only will working as equals bless our relationship with our spouse, it will strengthen the family unit as a whole, allowing the children to prosper as well. 

Sources:

Beck, J. (2011, March 1). Teaching the Doctrine of the Family. Retrieved October 5, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng

Benson, E. (1992, July 1). Salvation-A Family Affair. Retrieved October 5, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/07/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng

Hafen, B. (2007, August 1). Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners. Retrieved October 12, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/08/crossing-thresholds-and-becoming-equal-partners?lang=eng

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Zero to hero

"When we ask why people become heroic, research doesn’t yet have an answer. It could be that heroes have more compassion or empathy; maybe there’s a hero gene; maybe it’s because of their levels of oxytocin—research by neuroeconomist Paul Zak has shown that this “love hormone” in the brain increases the likelihood you’ll demonstrate altruism. We don’t know for sure" (Zimbardo). 

Unfortunately, we can't become a hero by simply wanting to be one. Being a hero requires more than slaying monsters and getting the girl. As Hercules learned, "a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart."

The process of becoming a hero is similar to the process of developing a successful relationship. 

First: You need to meet someone or become aware of their existence. Just as Hercules becomes aware of his powers, we become aware of the influence another might have on us.

Second: You must progress from acquaintance to building a relationship.  Behaviors that allow this change to come about include, "high levels of routine contact and activity (for example, calling, texting, going places together, and just spending lots of time together), providing emotional support and... talking about the relationship" (Hawkins et al). This is comparable to Hercules seeing his potential and practicing to become a true hero.

The main indicator that you have moved on to this phase is the first date. These are often awkward and uncomfortable. However, "most people seem to prefer being friends before moving into a possible romantic relationship" and going first as friends can ease the awkwardness of the situation. (Hawkins et al). Hercules didn't become a master swordsman by simply picking it up.  Dating is a process and the more you date, the easier it becomes.

Thirdly: Couples need to carry on in the relationship. They need to be invested in a long term relationship, and for most couples, marriage is the next natural step. Hercules is invested in his heroic abilities and works hard to ensure that he is prepared.

Lastly: Just because we finally got married, we are not able to stop putting effort into our relationship. We must "measure up" to our responsibilities and fulfill our roles in the home. 

The marriage process allows us to recognize the attributes we admire in others and to seek to gain those attributes as well. Hopefully we will all develop the qualities we appreciate in others. We can start to develop hero-like qualities now, because after marriage come children and now is the best time to prepare to be their heroes.

I would like to echo the challenge of Philip Zimbardo, "to take the 'hero pledge,' a public declaration on our website that says you’re willing to be a hero in waiting. It’s a pledge 'to act when confronted with a situation where I feel something is wrong,' 'to develop my heroic abilities,' and 'to believe in the heroic capacities within myself and others, so I can build and refine them.' "

Sources:

Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, and Choosing an Eternal Companion. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Zimbardo, P. (2011, January 18). What Makes a Hero? Retrieved October 11, 2015, from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_makes_a_hero